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by Mr Fly
SAVANNAH, GA – In this special, two-part report, I’ll cover three surefire future Hall of Fame pitching aces, Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine and John Smoltz and also the baseball legend and future Hall of Fame manager, Bobby Cox.
Between hanging with Mad Dog, Glav and Smoltzie when Greg was in town recently… to sitting in on an executive meeting concerning Bobby Cox, it’s been busy. That and, well, its Georgia peach blossom season. Just, uh… got over all the spring orange blossoms in Florida and now, you know… so many blossoms, such little time… but enough about me. Wait, one more thing about me: thanks to a nice gentleman from Mechanicsville, I now have a new press portrait. Thanks Mr. Gil for taking my picture while I was on assignment in Richmond. I gave copies to all my blossom buddies.
The following are two recent unpublished reports from my Braves travels:
Part One:
The Three Amigos Weigh-in On A Reunion.
Logged Tuesday, May 6 – ATLANTA – In this first report, we’re in the Braves weight room with ‘the boys’. I was invited by Tommy Glavine (my new cheeseburger buddy) to listen in on a conversation with Mad Dog, Glav and Smoltzie. So hold onto your seats… what you’re about to read is a first time, first hand, unedited and uncut documentation of a conversation between three of the top pitchers in the modern era. You just never know what exciting scoops and revelations might come from these rare, multi-Cy Young winning get-togethers when no holds are barred, anything goes… and yours truly had exclusive access. Now, in the weight room, Smoltzie chimes in first:
JOHN: Real good to see you Doggie. So, how do you like San Diego?
GREG: The weather is real nice.
JOHN: No, I mean the Padres.
GREG: The weather is real nice.
JOHN: Right… got it. Better than LA, though, huh?
GREG: Ahh… well, miss seeing Alyssa and all. You know…
JOHN: Milano? Sure, but she digs the long ball. Not your style, Dog.
TOMMY: Hey Doggie, have you been to Vigilucci’s?
GREG: What’s that?
TOMMY: The great Steak & Chop House over on Prospect.
GREG: Uh, no.
TOMMY: How about Soleil over on K Street?
GREG: Um, nope.
TOMMY: They’re good restaurants. Me and my little buddy, Mr. Fly, hit those places together when we’re in the area. Some good enchilada-cheeseburgers at the stadium too. Hey Dog, why are you grinning like that? Why are you and Johnny snickering? Ok, what’s up? Did you hang some dirty underwear on my doorknob or something? What gives?
JOHN: Teeheehee.
GREG: Snork…snork…chortle…
TOMMY: Alright dammit… what are you two up to?
MR. FLY: So Doggie, you coming back to the Braves? It’d be cool.
GREG: I’d like to Mr. Fly. We’ll see soon. By the way Tommy, didn’t you get a new set of pearly white choppers up in New York ‘cause’a that sudden stop in that cab and all?
TOMMY: Yes… why? What, is something stuck in my front teeth or…
JOHN: No, they’re fine. Do they chew pretty well Tommy? Hee hee…
GREG: That grill make pretty good headway with the fork and spoon? Yuk yuk yuk…
TOMMY: Yes they fit well and work just fine but what does that have to do with… hey, why are you yukking it up? What’s so damn funny? And why the hell are you guys both staring at my belly with those smirks?
GREG: Lots of good food up there in the Big Apple, there, Tommy?
JOHN: OK, let’s hit the links guys… we’ve got us a tee time.
TOMMY: You guys will never grow up.
Part two:
Braves Management Takes A Chance… Again.
Filed Saturday, May 10 – PITTSBURGH – In this road report, I was invited to sit in on a behind the scenes executive meeting between John Schuerholz, Frank Wren and Bobby Cox. Before you read my report, just know that me and Bobby go way back. We’re pals and all, but I do like to give him a hard time. Wish he’d retire and enjoy the HOF life, work in the executive suite for the Braves, enjoy his wife and grandkids and such. Moving along, this special report begins as Bobby and Frank enter Mr. John’s executive suite at The Gardener Hotel in downtown Pittsburgh:
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Good afternoon gents. Please have a seat. How’s life?
MR. COX: It was a good game today but we just caught a few bad breaks. I thought Chucky pitched real good but it just didn’t go his way. Frustrating really. Left a few up is all. Pirates were tough. That wet weather made it tough too. Chucky’s coming around. One day soon he’ll be able to go 6 innings again. He’s working on his control right now and he has only two pitches and, oh, he has trouble remembering hitters he’s faced… even from inning to inning, but he’ll come around. Good kid. Hangs a hell’uva good window too. He just got through putting new windows in my day room at the farm. Kid did a nice job. Well, one was crooked and a few were hung too high, but he’s coming around. That one today just got away from Chucky but other than a few he left up, he pitched a good game. Dunno… scratchin’ my head over that game. He went 6, so that’s good. He’ll come around. Pirates played us tough and, boy…
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: You OK, Bobby? All well at home? How’s the wife, the farm, the grandkids?
MR COX: Oh, yeah, sure… fine. Jojo is coming around too. He’s got a few blisters and all, but he’s a good kid. Campillo’s looking good. He’s gonna be a solid pen guy. Good kid. Blisters, but good…
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: That’s fine, Bobby. Glad to hear everything’s OK.
MR. COX: Good kids. We’ll get’em tomorr…
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: That’s fine Bobby. How are you Frank?
MR. WREN: Doing great, John. Thanks. All is well on the home front.
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Good, good. Well now, what do you think we should do about starting pitching, Frank?
MR. WREN: I’d like to send Chuck back to the minors. He sucks.
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Yep. What do you think Bobby?
MR. COX: Good kid. Just a few hanging… pitched good today. He’s my boy. Hangs a good window too. Car detailing, runs the tractor…
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Uh, Frank, you want to lose him right?
MR. WREN: Yes sir. I’d also like to start Campillo. He can pitch.
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Your call Frank. Done and done then. Bobby?
MR. COX: I’m thinking about an extension of my contract.
MR. WREN: Bobby, since I’m new, I’ll let Mr. Schuerholz handle this.
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Bobby, aren’t you about ready to wind it up, take a bow, maybe come upstairs with me, assist with player recruitment, take your place as an all-time Hall of Fame manager and executive with the Braves organization and let someone else take the reins in the dugout? Don’t you miss your family, your farm, your animals and such?
MR. COX: I like to manage. Maybe sign me to another ten-year deal. I like the games. I like to watch. Good kids. Those Pirates matched up pretty well. Chucky’ll come around. Left a few up…
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Hmmm. Well, OK, Bobby, but let’s just do a one-year deal. You OK with that? Frank, are you good with that?
MR. WREN: Well, sir… it’s a bit, um, well… I was thinking that with Bobby’s historic run and everything he might want to slow down a bit. But I’d like it to be your call, Mr. Schuerholz.
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Bobby? What say you? Ready to hang’em up?
MR. COX: Dunno what happened today. Wet mound. Good kid, Chucky. We’ve had a few bad bounces lately. Bats have been quiet, but they’ll come around… it’s only April…
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: Uh, Bobby, we’re well into May. But OK, you can have a one-year contract extension.
MR. WREN: Uh, John, in that case, could we talk about a strategic bench coach?
MR. SCHUERHOLZ: I hear you, Frank. We’ll talk later downstairs in the Gardener Lounge. I know it’s a Chance we’re taking here.
MR. COX: I like to watch umpires.
~by Mr Fly~
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