51: I Hate the All-Star Break!!!

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by Salty

(The Most Boring Time of the Year)

Yeah, yeah, yeah…all voluntary, CL says! A real “slave driver”, she is! OK, I’m kidding, actually She’s a Beauty. Oh well…let me ramble aimlessly with music, humor…boring observations. ZZZZZZZ…fitting for the slowest time of the year…in my humble view. Summer’s ‘Dead Zone’.

Grinch…problem solved…Mrs. Grinch opportunity! SINGLE FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I’ll be waiting…. Let us know how the date goes!

Things to do when retired:

Working people frequently ask retired people how they keep their days interesting. For example, the other day Paladin went downtown to a shop. He was only in there for about 5minutes and when he came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. He went up to him and said, ‘Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break’? He was ignored, and the cop continued writing the ticket. Paladin called him a ‘Nazi.’ He glared at Paladin and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So Paladin called him a ‘doughnut eating Gestapo.’ The officer finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first, then started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more Paladin abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, Paladin didn’t care. He had come downtown on the bus with Nurse Cratchet, and the car that got the tickets had a bumper sticker that said ‘Obama in ’08.’

Paladin tried to have a little fun each day, now that he’s retired; it’s important to his health!

Hmmm:
The media says there’s an oil crisis. I can get all the gas or oil I want…it’s money I need!

We’re addicted to oil? Nah…we’re addicted to mobility.

Ethanol: higher-priced hush-puppies! Be careful what you wish for.

Watermelon juice biz. Any takers? You did hear about watermelon’s amazing benefits…no four-hour issues! SG, you can do the ad campaign, ok? Make it uplifting spirited, OK? Pfizer can fund the start-up…make up for the lost Viagra sales!

The cover of this past week’s Economist magazine: ‘What a Way to Run the World’ with a picture of the United Nations as the Tower of Babel. Funny…sad.

A spot o’ humor:
One morning a man comes into church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the episode and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen. Without batting an eye, the priest says, ‘Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man? ‘Flat on his arse, Father, over by the holy water.’

Does it feel like the early ‘80’s to you? This song rather captured the angst of the day. Hey, if you’re gonna feel down in the dumps, let the music lift you up…just don’t listen to the lyrics! Synchonicity II

OK, baseball…anyone recall the NL’s MVP in 1971? How about the ROY? Hint: Braves connection. Wow, where have the years gone. Reelin’ in the Years

Bored yet?

Remember when you Stuff-villians were in school? I don’t know the origins…but they’re cute enough.

Teacher: Berigan, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Berigan: You told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher: FBG, go to the map and find North America.
FBG: Here it is.
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: FBG!

Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Lew, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Lew: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Teacher: Hillbilly, why do you always get so dirty?
Hillbilly: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Teacher: Now, Gil, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Gil: No sir, I don’t have to; my Mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Grinch, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
Grinch: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
Teacher: No, that’s wrong!
Grinch: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Teacher: WW, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WW: Me!

Teacher: Raisins, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Raisins: No, sir. It’s the same dog.

Teacher: SG, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
SG: A teacher

Teacher: CL, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’
CL: I is….
Teacher: No, CL….. Always say, ‘I am.’
CL: All right.. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’

Teacher: Sscribe, what is the chemical formula for water?
Sscribe: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Sscribe: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

Oh, Grinch…her picture!

Daisy

Courtesy of Atlanta SPCA

Enjoy the rest of the season, Stuff-villians! Try to remember, more often than not, we’re aren’t ‘and idiots’, We Just Disagree

Take me outta here, Gerry! Baker Street

~Salty~

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